My brain says no but my pants say off.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
