The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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