I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
