Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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