OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
