his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
