plz talk dirty to me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Randomize
