mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
