My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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