Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Randomize
