i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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