I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
