If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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