Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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