I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
