thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
