I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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