____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
