It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
