the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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