the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
