well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
