I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
