i just sent this text using only my big toe
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
