I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
