Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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