I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
