he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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