...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
