We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
