my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
