you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
