I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
