I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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