Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
