I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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