He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
