i already hear my dad disowning me
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
