Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
