I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
