It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
