Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
