ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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