you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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