Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
