Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I need to stop coming to work sober
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
