he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Randomize
