Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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