Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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