i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
