what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
